Its mind-numbing how the thought of one person can evoke so little hope and yet so much disappointments. I can't even begin to fathom what is it about this person that often drives me so insane up and down the roller coaster of emotions. My mind is always telling me rationally how I should make a retreat, and yet my heart is always racing forward, towards what I call now, an abyss of darkness, a place forlorn of all hope. Despite the name, my heart still long for this cold place. The only restrain I could manage is the belief that what I wanted is not in there, and never will be there.
So here I am, always unable to untangle myself from these strings of emotions. And despite any distances, I still care, and I still think about it from time to time. What's different now is how I've embraced it, and I'm glad I'm not so broken, not so dysfunctional.
Who would have known my life will turn out like this. But I am happy now, I guess, of course, there are things here and there that could be better, but its okay. I've learnt to be contented with life. Its amazing how any simple decisions can lead to a chain of most unthought-of events. I've learnt that you can hardly stop caring for people whom you care about a whole lot, and the best that you can do is just to wish them the best in all that they do, and move on with your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment