[31.07.09]

The last day of the month, a day which somehow is a little bit different from the others. Everyone's been giving a piece of their mind, and suddenly I felt the changes of the people around me. Maybe I was too caught up with other things that I didn't seem to notice them. I can see changes in things that I never thought there would be, in people mostly. Some are not as bad as I thought they were, some are getting on my nerves, and some just remain static. I won't justify, but I can say that things are a bit different now than they are then.


Will things ever be the same again? When someone is no longer of importance, when whatever that was said and done are not within the boundaries of caring, when absences are well accepted? What was left? Can things be undone? Someone asked me, "on the other side of the love coin is hatred, but when hatred's gone, what's left?", what's left? Hatred, I'm never in that stage. Never will be I guess.
My feelings are all jumbled up, I can't untangle them, nor can I ignore them. What can I do? What am I supposed to do? What else there is to do? Being in this quicksand, I can't help but struggle, and the more that I did, the deeper that I sink..

I'll Come for You

Just one more moment, that's all that's needed
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing
Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it.
Everyday I spend away, my soul's inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you.

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now, it's a vow.

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember
You know I'll always come for you.

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most...

Lifeless

Defibrillator.
That's what I need.
Yea I think so.

I'm losing it.
Everything.
Its all going to pieces.

Half a year break?
Come on.
Its completely out of topic.

A break,
is not what I needed.
Although I desperately wanted to believe so.

I haven't been listening to you,
Sorry.

Lifeless as you are now,
my dear heart.?
"Defibrillator! Please!"
Perhaps a pacemaker too?

Or are you already gone?

Too dark to see,
too hard to breathe.

Too painful to think,
too difficult to ignore.

Too much to lose,
too little time.

It's coming fast,
I can't bear.

It's everywhere,
even in the air I breathe.

Struggling,
fighting.

What's left?

Memories,
frozen in time.

There I am,
living through the shadow.

Falling faster,
barely breathing.

Nowhere to go,
but going out of my mind.

Give me something to believe in.

Nightmares

Nightmares.
They seem real, but actually not.
They might confuse you with the truth,
but in the end you'll know.
At least they're better,
since sooner or later you'll realize that it's not true,
that it's not happening,
that it's just your mind playing tricks.
Which you can choose to ignore,
without any consequences.

But it's not the same with what's really happening.
I guess we'll just have to live through it.
And life goes on...

[11.07.09]

Today went to pyramid to meet Michelle and the gang. Its been a long time since I last saw her. She had to defer her ACCA as she didn't take her T8 and T9 Final papers. She had chicken pox that time. I miss having her around in class, she's fun to be with, a clever person as well. We went to Shi Lin to have our lunch then walked around and shopped in Pyramid.

There's Mega Sales in Pyramid so they practically went crazy. Haha. Well, no effect on me since the things are not exactly in my boundary of liking. On me of course, not others, heheh. However, I always enjoy accompanying others to shop. Excitements hoho!
I accidentally met Cath at Forever 21, was shocked to see her. She went shopping on her own. Said was too bored in hostel lol. Later in the day, I joined her as Kacang came as well. Went to Wong Kok with them after she shopped around.

Went back to hostel afterwards. And now, I'm at Circle. Heheh. Three guys singing, nice harmony~ ~.~

It seems like they were okay already. Thank god for that.

Keyi

疯

想知道你是否还是一样
有没有学会比较坚强
你快乐的背后　有失望
你何曾在意当时我也是这样被你伤

想明白为何对我那么冷淡
有回来　故事会不会是这样
明知道你不会再回头看
我还是一直以为
一直以为有希望

像疯了一样
越想你就越心伤
我多么爱你
却难逃你的魔掌

像疯了一样
你缺少了安全感
你让我多么难堪
却还是一样把我伤

想明白为何对我那么冷淡
有回来　故事会不会是这样
明知道你不会再回头看
我还是一直以为
一直以为有希望

像疯了一样
越想你就越心伤
我多么爱你
却难逃你的魔掌

像疯了一样
你缺少了安全感
你让我多么难堪
却还是一样把我伤

No Boundaries

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want, but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever
When you feel you've lost your way

What if my chances were already gone
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries.

I fought to the limit, to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets?
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down

I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you
And your dreams.